Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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