21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
