Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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