Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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