I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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