I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
