On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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