She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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