After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
