Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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