Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
