If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
