We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize