Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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