Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize