i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
