i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
