I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
