I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize