someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
