similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
