idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
