we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
