Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
