Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
