he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
