woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
