i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
