Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
In other news, I just burned my penis
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
