It's Friday. Sex?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
it was like eating out sand paper
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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