i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
