I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
