Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
