i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
