If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
