You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
