i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
