is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize