One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
