I'm jealous of your bromance
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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