How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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