I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
