I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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