Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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