we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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