I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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