he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
