Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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