and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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