I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
