She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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