walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
