Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
