I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
