I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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