I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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