I feel great
I just peed on a car
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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