A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
