im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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