Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
