John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
