a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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