This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
