Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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