My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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